Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Somewhere I Belong:


The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry

Home is special because it is the place where we belong. What if you felt out of place, unbelonged in your own home? This is a melancholy which cannot be fought, no matter how hard you try. While you look at the bed you sleep in, the cupboards to house your clothes,the pink toothbrush that brightens a cold grey early morning for you, the mug you drink your first cup of coffee from, imagine feeling none of it belongs to you. Nothing. You were using the discarded wares of a certain someone and benefitting from ‘the’ absence.
Goldilocks felt it, albeit rightfully, as she WAS trespassing into Messrs Bear’s home.

Now imagine a step beyond. If you could not believe that your family belonged to you, but you were merely a filler for somebody who is not there.
The affection of a husband or a wife, attention of a parent, which builds you basic confidence as a child, the unconditional love of a sibling, nothing belonged to you. It is all rightfully somebody elses, while you, were merely a trespasser who was forcing yourself into the lives of others.

Probably the equanimous owner bore a resemblance to you, probably the people were just too polite to point out that you did not belong. Like the pauper playing the role of the prince, the global sum of creature and emotional comforts would never let you rest in peace. Simply because, it did not belong to you.

What would you do? Would you simply walk out, because your morals guided you so, or would you continue to enjoy the sun while it lasted, hoping the thorns of conscience would quieten over time or you would learn to ignore it.
What would you do?

The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry